Mark Zuckerberg announced new chatbots in his first in-person appearance since COVID and after Elon Musk challenged him to a duel.

It’s as if we didn’t need more things that could go wrong.

Meta CEO, Mark Zuckerberg, announced new chatbots that will know recipes, how to bake, and settle arguments on Facebook while having a personality. If you’re looking for a chatbot with a little more sass, look no further than Facebook Messenger.

One Meta AI to Rule Them All

Facebook is calling its main chatbot the clever name, Meta AI. It will be baked into Facebook Messenger and users can ask the bot questions and settle arguments. Settling arguments with the user themselves, or between others Facebook hasn’t been specific. The chatbot will use Facebook’s own model, LlaMa 2, which it released for public commercial use.

Chatbots with Cha-Cha-Cha

Zuckerberg reports Meta’s aim is to create chatbots that just don’t answer questions. The latest chatbots will have personalities derived from celebrities. If you’re trying to get down and chill with a bot, you may choose Snoop Dogg the Bot. If you’re looking for something that’s more in the pretentious man-eater range, you could adopt the wet noodle, Kendall Jenner Bot.

This isn’t just going to be about answering queries. This is about entertainment.

– Mark Zuckerberg

Tom Brady has signed on to play a “wisecracking sports debater,” who calls any sports jock a debater, named, Bru. Not Bro, and not Bruh. Bru. For those who want bots based on Internet celebrities, Mr. Beast has signed on to lend his personality as the much plainer moniker, Zach.

It’s like Zuckerberg wants us to join him in his dystopian Metaverse. Unfortunately, the joke’s on him. The dystopian is already here. Our society is propelled by disinformation and vitriol accelerated by platforms like his. We need no other virtual place disconnected from reality.

If you would have told me within 6 months of ChatGPT changing the game on AI technology it would jump the shark, I wouldn’t have believed you. But here we are. In 2023, not even 1 year after GPT-3’s debut. Instead of solving real problems using the most powerful technology innovation in the last decade, we’re hiring celebrities to plug their already artificial public personas into even more artificial, superficial derivatives of real humans.

As El Jefe has been known to say:

“Stop the world. I want to get off.”

-MJ