Christmas is a time for gathering around the TV and watching movies that bring out the best in holiday spirit. You can’t have Christmas without these movies and you should make an effort to see each one of these fine films before December 26th. Don’t let the Scrooges ruin your holiday thirst for violence and gunplay. Each one of these cinematic greats teaches us the true meaning of Christmas.
Grab your popcorn, load up your egg nog with Uncle Nearest’s new Rye blend, and get to streaming!
The Long Kiss Goodnight
Samuel L. Jackson, Geena Davis, espionage, and superior gun play round out this holiday classic. Geena Davis plays mild mannered, amnesiac, Pennsylvania school teacher, Samantha Caine. One day, after a car accident, Sam starts having flashbacks to her previous life being a CIA agent. Just in time, Mitch, played by Samuel L. ‘Muthafucka’ Jackson, a private investigator Samantha hired to sort through her mysterious past has dug up details about her super secret agent past life as Charlene ‘Charly’ Baltimore (not the rapper).
Bullets fly, car chases ensue, and explosions cap off a true holiday movie set in Pennsylvania, during Christmas time. The movie ends with Samantha/Charly’s family getting back together, Mitch finding his time in the limelight, and Americans protected from an internal terrorist threat.
The Long Kiss Goodnight is streaming on Roku, Paramount+, Prime, Showtime, and Apple+.
Lethal Weapon
One of my family’s Christmas Eve traditions is the Mapp Family Holiday Lasagna. Lethal Weapon 1, was the flick of choice during last year’s meal preparation. You see, the Holiday Lasagna is a labor of love and takes a full hour of preparation followed by baking time, then cooling time to let all of the flavors settle. Lethal Weapon stars Danny Glover who plays an LA police office 30 years older than his real age, and Mel Gibson before we knew who he really was. The 1 hour and 57 minutes of catchy one liners between Sgt. Murtah and Sgt. Riggs, sirens, and gun play against a Los Angeles backdrop at Christmas time is a family-friendly fun ride. These movies are a case study in buddy cop action dramas and you will not be disappointed to watch Lethal Weapon cuddled up with you loved ones.
Lethal Weapon is streaming on Hulu, Prime, Roku, and Apple+.
Die Hards 1 and 2
It goes without saying, regardless of what my wife, the Blerdmom, says about Die Hard, it is in fact a Christmas movie. It has all of the elements of White Christmas and other holiday movies. The protagonists have to travel to see loved ones and others they care about. Conflict between the protagonists resolves over the yule tide spirit. Bad guys and spoiler elements are disrupted through constant vigilance in the belief of Christmas magic. And, a skydive off of a skyscraper just as a helicopter explodes on the roof. Die Hards 1 and 2 are must see films for the Christmas season. There’s something for everyone in both movies. Humor, comedic and dark, family love and affection, and gifts. Cash or otherwise.
Die Hard stars none other, than the-man-who-knows-how-to-kill-someone, Bruce Willis the former leading man of Moonlighting. Naysayers will hate on you for calling Die Hard, and Die Hard 2 Christmas films, but you can’t help but witness the Christmas everywhere in the movie.
Die Hard is such a great Christmas movie, I mysteriously receive anonymous Christmas cards from a fellow Die Hard fan each year. (This year, one came from Ellis)
Die Hard is streaming on Starz, and the Starz Amazon Channel.
For all you haters, here’s the Die Hard Christmas Trailer
Honorable Mention
Gremlins
Gremlins is about a struggling inventor trying to hock his wares in Japan only to fail. Before leaving for home, he forgot to pick up his son, Billy, a Christmas gift. So he steps into a whole in wall, antique store and buys a cute, furry creature called Gizmo. The little mogwai, demon, can’t stay up late, should never get wet, and most importantly, never eat after midnight. The inventor, Randall Peltzer, buys the mogwai and somehow gets it past US Customs. Back home, Randall eerily repeats the rules to his teenaged son, and what do you know he breaks all of them. He lets Gizmo stay up late watching TV, and the fool gets the little fuzzbugger wet. After Gizmo gets wet, he multiplies several other furry mogwai who make a mess of his house. And of course, Billy lets them eat after midnight, and the mogwais wage havoc on Billy’s small town on Christmas Even.
Gremlins is a for real classic. It’s a great movie that epitomizes the dark comedy horror genre, and plenty of plot elements make it a Christmas movie worth watching. Sit down with a warm cocoa and watch little demons terrorize a town. The chair escalator scene will never be forgotten.
Gremlins is streaming, hopefully still streaming, on HBO Max.
Have a very Merry Christmas, and a Happy New Year!